Empathy informed action toward restorative, racial justice
Therapists are privileged to work with hurting people who are often angry. Our job is to hear them in spite of their anger, to listen, with empathy, for the legitimate hurt that lies underneath. We know that anger manifests itself as a defense against threat and a call to action for necessary change. Empathy is the tool we use to listen with understanding; it creates an echo that we reflect back toward our clients, emphasizing pain to help bring greater awareness to and connection with it.
But we don’t stop there. We also know that when anger is used well it brings about positive change that does more than what empathy can do alone. We know that we cannot fully understand our clients without empathy, but we also cannot fully help our clients change without anger.
The expressions of anger that are being displayed right now in the wake of George Floyd’s murder at the hands of Minneapolis police may be frightening for some, but it is important that we use empathy to understand it. We don’t have to agree politically or see eye-to-eye on every issue to understand that pain expressed angrily is correlated to the level of powerlessness that person feels. The more powerless they feel, the more their anger and pain will take on shades of rage. And no one experiences that special mix of powerlessness and rage without trauma.
Every day, for reasons both historical and current, Black Americans face the legacy of America’s failure to uphold our own values. Whether because of police brutality or the intergenerational traumas of slavery and segregation that have led to systemic poverty and lack of opportunity, Black Americans are hurting. They are angry and tired, and they need our empathy to turn into action that leads to restorative justice. (For more on the concept of intergenerational trauma, click here, here, and here.)
I believe in the power of restorative justice, a process whereby those who have been hurt are restored to their former health, repaid, rebuilt, renewed by those who hurt them. To do that, the party responsible for the harm acknowledges what they have done and takes accountability. They agree to reform themselves through honest assessment of their actions, and they show up to help the hurting heal. Through it, not only are victims restored but imperfect humans who sometimes hurt others are transformed into better people.
For therapists, restorative justice happens in our offices every day. We hold people accountable to the truth. We show our clients the harm they have done to themselves or others. We help people assess the damage done to them. We encourage people to tell the truth of their pain and take accountability. We facilitate difficult conversations of hurt and forgiveness, acting as gentle, compassionate guides through the heart wrenching process of healing. We empower survivors and challenge perpetrators, and we watch as people are transformed. We are not strangers to restorative justice.
So why are so many of us silent when our Black neighbors are suffering? In times like these, we must take a stand for restorative, racial justice. We cannot acknowledge the power of restorative justice in the healing process of individuals and families and also deny its power to transform society. We cannot work to hold individuals accountable, if we are not also willing to hold ourselves and our society accountable.
When Black people say they are hurting, we listen. When rage is displayed through destructive means, we listen. When people do hurtful things, we listen. We do not condemn; we do not shut them down. We do not react impulsively. We create space, and we listen. We know that in doing this simple task, we automatically change the conversation. We sooth angry heads, and we call forth hurting hearts. Empathy helps us hone into the real problems that must be addressed. But it is a dereliction of our duty and a violation of our ethics to empathize without the necessary action steps required to change the circumstances that hurt them in the first place.
I have been listening to black voices. They cry out in pain, despair, fear, despondence, and rage. For those of us who are trained to listen with empathy, their emotions make sense. But empathy is not enough. We must take our empathy, our ability to understand, and use it to inform our decisions about what to do next. Regardless of what you believe politically, I hope you will consider the idea that our Black neighbors are hurting and legitimately angry. They need our empathy and our action.
Black lives matter.
But beyond saying it, here are some things we can do to help make our society value them:
Join local activist groups
Consider supporting and/or showing up for local protesters through The Next Generation Action Network
Sign up to volunteer with them here.
Or donate to their bailout fund.
Support local Black businesses
Black Biz DFW
North Texas Black Business Directory
Contact local officials to ask questions and hold them accountable
Consider contacting the Dallas Community Police Oversight Board to ask questions or attend their next meeting. For instance, you might demand the demilitarization of our police. Here is the email I sent earlier today. Feel free to edit or rewrite to add your own thoughts and concerns.
To Whom It May Concern,
I am contacting you today to ask what the Community Police Oversight Board is doing to address the concerns of protesters in the wake of George Floyd’s murder at the hands of police. It seems that much attention is being paid to bad actors but little care is being shown to those who truly believe that Dallas needs to lead the nation through police reform policies.
Namely, I’d like answers to these specific questions:
What steps are the board taking to ensure what happened to George Floyd never happens again here in Dallas?
What steps are the board taking to combat the militarization of our police? Will we lead the nation in our demilitarization of police, or will we be complicit in their use of inappropriate, war-like tactics against peaceful protesters?
What is the board doing to demand accountability for how the police have responded to peaceful protesters in the last few days? Why are peaceful protesters being treated with such disdain with the use of tear gas and rubber bullets?
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
A concerned Dallas citizen,
Contact the mayor to demand that he do something constructive.
Attend the emergency city council meeting scheduled for this Friday, June 5, at 2:00pm.
Here is the email I sent earlier today. Feel free to use it as is or change it as you see fit:
Dear Mayor Johnson,
I am disappointed in your response to the civil and peaceful protesters demanding action in the wake of more and more police violence to the Black community. You seem to be more interested in addressing the violent looting than the legitimate grievances of your own community. We all want protests to be lawful and constructive. It seems to me that the best way to ensure that riots end is to address the pain and anger that caused them. What steps are you taking to address the protesters concerns, fears, and outrage? Why aren’t you talking to protesters and joining them in the streets? How are you going to lead our city through meaningful police and prison reform?
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond.
A concerned Dallas citizen,
Support national organizations
Consider donating to the Color of Change, particularly to help their voter registration programs.
Join the Black Lives Matter movement.
Want to do more or something different than what I have suggested?
Read these articles:
106 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice
Answering White People’s Most Commonly Asked Questions About the Black Lives Matter Movement
Read President Obama’s suggestions for action.
I know that restorative justice is possible, and I believe that our Black neighbors need it. I hope you will join me in doing even the smallest of things to turn our empathy into anger and our anger into positive action towards change.
As always, I am here to chat with you should you need to talk.
Lee