What if my partner doesn’t want to go to couples therapy?

Couples therapy is everywhere these days, and for good reason. It's an effective tool when it comes to improving - even saving - a relationship.

But what happens when only one member of a relationship wants to go to couples therapy? Navigating this situation is challenging. Here are several steps that can be taken to address it most effectively.

First … it's essential for the partner interested in therapy to express their concerns to their partner in an open and honest manner.  Try to communicate the expected benefits of couples therapy and emphasize that the goal is to strengthen the relationship for both of you.

It is very important for the interested partner to actively listen, acknowledge, and validate any concerns or hesitations their partner may be having. Sincerely learning about your partner's perspective can improve understanding and create a more open dialogue about the topic.

If the hesitant partner remains reluctant – despite your attempts at open communication – try to explore their reasons behind their resistance. Some individuals have a fear of therapy in general; they are afraid of being judged or of truly opening up to someone … especially someone they don’t know.

Sometimes, a hesitant partner may be more open to considering therapy if you focus on the positives. Therapy can be seen as a proactive step towards improving communication, resolving conflicts, and strengthening the relationship.

Individual therapy is always an option. If a reluctant partner still refuses to engage in couples therapy, perhaps individual therapy can help improve a relationship. Individual therapy can provide valuable insights and coping strategies for managing relationship challenges, even when both partners aren’t there to actively participating.

Ultimately, if a relationship is struggling and if one partner flat out refuses to engage in therapy as a means to a better end, it may become necessary to reassess the relationship. Is this a relationship that is meeting the needs of both individuals?

Couples therapy can be a valuable tool for improving relationships. It requires willingness, openness, and commitment from all involved to bring about the most positive changes.

Kinsey & Associates is Boston’s most trusted team of therapists. We provide effective and compassionate couples therapy in the Boston area, as well as all of Massachusetts via online therapy.