Does marriage counseling always work?

Couples facing challenges in their relationship often turn to marriage counseling for help. Marriage counseling provides a structured and supportive environment to address important issues and help improve communication. It's important to recognize, however, that while marriage counseling is often times beneficial, it doesn’t always lead to the desired positive outcomes. Why is that?

Commitment – Successful therapy of any sort requires readiness and willingness. If one or both individuals are not fully committed to the marriage therapy process - or are resistant to change in general - it hinders progress and dramatically limits the effectiveness of therapy. A successful outcome in marriage counseling directly depends upon the motivation and effort put forth by both partners.

Timing – Timing is important. Couples that wait until their relationship is in crisis or on the edge of divorce will likely find it more challenging to make significant progress as compared to couples that seek help earlier. Patterns and habits that are not firmly entrenched are usually easier to improve.

Therapist - The compatibility between the couple and the therapist makes a big difference. Not all therapists are equally skilled or experienced. Trust levels, communication patterns, and general comfort levels can vary from therapist to therapist. It’s important to find a therapist who understands your specific needs and has experience with your relationship’s dynamics.

Issues - The types of issues at hand – along with their complexity – can certainly impact the success rate of marriage counseling. Some issues, such as communication and minor conflicts, may readily respond to shorter term counseling. Deeper-seated problems like infidelity, addiction, or long-standing resentment typically require more intensive, specialized, and longer term therapy.

Expectations - It's important to have realistic expectations about what marriage counseling can deliver. And just how are we supposed to know what’s realistic if we’ve never gone through it before? Ask the therapist. Therapy can provide useful insights, tools, and strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts, but there’s no guarantee that it can save every relationship. Couples may discover through counseling that they have irreconcilable differences and choose to separate or divorce amicably.

Kinsey & Associates is Boston’s most trusted team of therapists. We specialize in couples counseling in the Boston area, as well as all of Massachusetts via online therapy.